The portal

I went on a drive today. I needed to go to the bank, which is on the other side of town. So, I packed up my kids and headed out. I needed a break from the house today, so after the bank I decided to keep driving around to see where I would end up.
Of course I had to go by my mom's old house. I spent most of my childhood growing up there and love it more than any other place I lived as a kid. Inching by I looked at the few minimal changes that the new owners made and thought to myself how sad the house seemed to me now. I remember the day we moved my mom out. I remember racing the garage door as it closed, jumping over the sensor one last time and looking back thinking I felt terrible for abandoning it. It had sheltered us all for so many years, the good and the bad. My sister and I were married in the backyard. All these thoughts rushed through me in just a matter of minutes and I shook it off with a smile as I drove away, remembering, it's just a house:)
Then my car, like an old dog that knew where home was, just started down a path of my past. I hadn't driven by many of the homes around my old stomping grounds for over 10 years. I went past my old best friends house, remembering all the lunches spent there during the week and sleepovers. Dear friends in the ward that I viewed as second parents were on the trip as well. Then this journey turned sideways a bit. I drove past a few old boyfriends houses that were in the same area and I was shocked to feel the bit of uneasiness I did. At first it was just noticing the differences in the houses, the updates that had been done over that past many years. But then I saw his back fence, one my friend and I snuck around to go knock on his window at night. I got butterflies thinking about it. This continued for a few houses. I was taken off guard at how I was enjoying these memories. Reminising mentally, I started driving home. It was a very strange feeling though, the farther I drove away from my past and toward my present. It started to fade. My desire to think about it even disolved. It will sound strange to most, but every time I go to that side of town I feel as though I exchange through this invisible portal. Exchange into someone that misses that part of her life, misses those people, misses some parts of who she use to be. Driving through it the other way, back home, it was exactly that - home. Even though I have had some of the most amazing memories, some with endings tied up nicely, and some with a jagged edge that has no business being thought of again - I don't belong there any more.
So, for an hour it was great to think about the past and all the ups and downs, but I was glad to pull into my garage and feel like I was right were I was suppose to be. Home.