Age doesn't keep you safe....

I try and make right choices, I guess we all do. It should seem fairly easy. Good is good, bad is bad. Friends are people you care about and look out for, family are people you love and keep sheltered at all cost. Why is it then, that when you least expect it, someone you care about deeply, completely defeats you?

I don't know the answers...but this is what I do know. I know that even though I'm 33 years old, my age doesn't shield me from being treated like I was when I was 16. Whats worse, by someone I loved. Someone I risked more than I ever should have for. Maybe that's the point, I risked too much. I had something like this coming I guess. I learned the hard way. That seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life since the beginning.

It's strange how it can make you feel so empty, being disrespected. If you think about that word, its doesn't sting your ears as strong as the meaning behind that word should. When we think of words that last, that hurt, that you can't take back - you think of hate, and all the words that spider off it if. I never thought of disrespect as one. I do now.

In ways it's worse than hate. Hate, at least to me, is more honest. It's raw, there is no guessing how someone feels. Disrespect is a word that acts like a thief. In the beginning, it starts off as a promise of friendship, hope, even love at times. It can go years pretending, and then one day it steals it all back. What you held dear, just disappears. Worse than that is that when it is gone, it leaves you feeling empty and used.

Today was one of those days where being the bigger person, taking the higher road, feels terrible. I have always had a hard time seeing the difference between "taking the higher road" and being "walked on". If feels pretty much the same today. I choose to believe that it is the right thing to do, so I do it. My faith helps me hold on to the fact that my life is bigger than this, and it's my job to make the best of things that happen to me.