I feel like some explanation is due. In an effort to clarify my goal, I should say that I am attempting to write every day. With the Christmas season afoot, I will not delude myself into thinking that is going to happen, so I will agree with doing my best until the first of the year, and then I am off to the races. Also, the title of my blog begs for a little more insight.
I was laying in bed one night thinking about my life. I was looking in the dark corners I sometimes fear to admit are there. As I was peering in, I wondering why my life had so many that were hard to look at. Am I too hard on myself? Am I not hard enough? Do I need to hold myself more accountable, to higher standards? Within so many unanswered questions, I had "the" moment. You know, the moment you say to yourself "Ah-ha," and a little bit of light appears. Good or bad, you understand yourself a little bit better. What I understood about myself, is that I am my own Everest.
One might ask if that is a good or bad thing. To me, this is a bad thing. To me, it means I am this huge obstacle standing in my own way. To me, I am this looming battle I have yet to conquer. In bed that night, my heart became heavy because I didn't know what to do about it. I am only 30! This is not my life. At that moment, my epiphany came. I AM Everest. Just like that, the meaning changed. I am going to change my life. I am going to be someone unmovable, unshakable. I am going to be the rock others can lean on.
This new outlook filled me with hope, something I had been lacking. Each day I will look outside myself to find the beautiful - to be beautiful, on the inside (and maybe the outside will begin to match it).
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