Reality

Reality hit me today. I have been inexcusably consumed with my life and it took an email today to shake me out of it. Why is it that you can't look at your life the way it should be? Why can't you look at your problems and say to yourself , "Really? You should be ashamed of yourself." A good slap in the face, a good gut check to make you realize that honestly, it can always get worse. The saying always got a bad rap in my mind. How is that sentence anything but depressing? Things can always get worse. I have a new spin on it now.
A person whom I love very much, is dying. She is young, she is beautiful and she is above all this torture she is made to bear in this life. Her and I were college roommates. She is the type of girl you look at and think, she has it all. She has the looks, the hair, the skin, the family.... all of it. And with all of it, of course came the boys, so she had that too. She is the kind of girl that makes all girls fall into line... the line of no liking someone like that. Yes it's true, girls are shallow and shockingly unforgiving when someone in their pool is that blessed. Here's the kicker, you could never not-LOVE her. I mean never. Her personality was so amazing, funny, caring, loyal. Growing up knowing her, she was always sweet and kind. I didn't really get to know her though until many years later.
I felt so blessed that she was willing to be my roommate. Honestly, I was really shocked too. I thought, why would she want to room with me? I have nothing to build up the stats in our favor like she did for us. I felt I wasn't nearly as blessed in overall artificial life like she was. That being said, we moved in together anyways.
I will tell you what I learned about her. Her spirit seemed untouched by all the years on this Earth. It seemed to literally sparkly though her eyes. In all the time I spent with her, I have never once seen her unkind. You hear people saying that about those they know, I never believed them. I believe them now. I know of one too. She was and is one of the most special people I have ever met.
Now, she is riddled with this unwelcome guest that is taking her away from us. To watch her, never complaining, crying, or making excuses, you would never know what a toll this is taking on her. She now has a family, a husband, two beautiful girls - and now what? With my own Father being taken from me when I was younger, for many years all I thought is how hard it was on us. How hard it was on our family, my mom. Now, a mother, I ache for her. I weep knowing how I would feel being forced to leave my children before I could see them graduate, get married or have kids of there own.
She is so strong and beautiful. If I had one explanation for all this that actually made sense it would be this - She is too good for us now. She has been in this world for long enough and her radiant spirit aches to go home. I hope for my sake, and all those who love her, that she is with us for many, many years to come. Selfishness aside, she would be welcomed with open arms and with a Father that is so proud of her and has missed her immensely. How could we be sad? She has blessed us, she has blessed me. I love you Jennie.