I need to preface, that before anyone reading this starts to assume that I love one child more than the other, or think Makenzie can do no wrong - that is indeed not the case. She does naughty things sometimes. Years ago when she started doing those naughty things, I thought they were horribe things. I couldn't believe MY child would do these "things." It's amazing what a few years and an additional child (not to mention a BOY child) will do to gain you some clarity.
But, I digress. Lets fast forward to the present and skip the plesentries that were Makenzie's toddlerhood. I am writing this post today to air some dirty laundry about my motherhood experience with my son and daughter. I really just didn't know days could be this hard. I didn't know that this little being you carried for 9 LONG, HARD months, gained an insulting 50 pounds for, lost bladder control for, lost all sense of long or short term memory for - could look at you sometimes with that look in his eyes that makes me feel like he is just giving me the finger. (If indeed he could get those adorable chubby paws to do anything but hit his sister or pick up anything disgusting he sees:)) It's like working for a boss that constently looks at you when you ask him something, and JUST KEEPS STARING... as if not to give a flying banana about what you just said. Either that or throw his nameplate at your head.
Is it worth it? I know the polictically correct answer is yes. But some days, I really don't know. Tonight in writing this, I have gained a bit of clarity (also my children being in bed and it being silent for the first time all day:)). Do the terrible two's want to make you crawl under your bed and yell mercy at the top of your lungs? HOWDY YES. Do you wonder if you will ever make it out of the current day alive? Do you sometimes think of excuses to get away from them? Do you feel like you are in a match of WWW wrestling the tall you want to do is tap out, but your husband hasn't come home from work yet:)? ALL YES.
Let me tell you this though..... There are moments, sometimes just seconds, that you can breathe in deep and freeze it. You gain this ability as a mom, at least I have. Those beautiful seconds where you look over, while you are slaving away making dinner, and you see your two little ones playing ring around the rosey and you hear the sweetest laughter you have ever heard. You witness a pure and honest love and enjoyment of a brother and sister, that lasts you. You put this file in your head, so that all the other hours of the day you want to pull your hair out, you can remember this second, and love it. Love them. Heaven help me, with all my soul, I love them. My little Mason has been blessed with a rowdy spirit that will keep me on my toes that is for sure. But that rowdy spirit comes with a determination that I so admire. He is rough, he tumbles he gets hurt, but keeps going. All he needs is a kiss from mom where it hurt and off he goes again without so much as a tear.
He inspires me. My daughters spirit is so raw and visible. I adore that about her. She always knows what to say and when to say it, and keeps my exhausted soul hopeful and feeling genuinely loved . Mason though, he inspires me in much different way. Wouldn't it be amazing, if when I needed my Father, or Mother - all I needed to do was pray and feel that love from Them and it would keep me going. A knowledge that They are there for me, always to catch and get me back on my feet. What amazing faith and strength he has.
I will never understand why God has felt like I deserve such amazing spirits to watch over. What a huge responsibility. I can't imagine how much he loves them too, and misses them. I will cherish all the seconds I can....and the ones I just can't do anything but retreat? I will pull them back with me, and take a deep breathe and remember what happiness is around the corner.
