Dear Dad,

I think sometimes you must be glad you didn't have to watch me go through some of the things I did, or am still going through.  Being a parent now, it is agonizing to see your kids struggle or make the desicion you know is the tougher one.
Makenzie was told by her "friend" (that is a boy) at school that he was going to bring a pocket knife to school and cut all the girls.  Yep, that's right.  A 6 year old boy said that to my little girl.  I about drove the car off the rode when she told me.  Obviously my first reaction was to go find that boy and donkey punch him to the throat, but then my grown up side talked me out of it.  I mean really?  I don't get boys.  Frankly, I don't get men either.  They say one thing, and they mean another - or they expect us to know when they want us, and when they want us to leave them alone.  I know women get all the blame for being impossible to read, but I really think it has been labeled on the wrong gender.
I wonder how you were with mom.  All us kids think you were perfect and that you two never fought.  I always thought you were the perfect priesthood holder and always held family home evening, being super involved with us kids....etc.  Mom set me straight on that one a few months ago.  Not to say you weren't a great father, but she really spared Drew a bunch of heartache with holding him to an expectation that wasn't exactly spot on. :)
I'm just hanging on today Dad.   Tomorrow is church.  I'm really hopeful that my spirits will be lifted and I can be the mom and wife I hope to be.
C

Dear Dad

I wonder what you would say to me today.  I know you see that I haven't shaken off the failures of yesterday.  I just don't know how to do it today.
I wonder what you would say to me today.
Crystal

Dear Dad,

I failed her today.  Little Miss wanted to ride her bike again.  We haven't done it in over a week, so I was a little tense knowing how she reacts when her feet have to get wet again.  D is out of town.  He is always better at this stuff.  The being patience stuff.  The first fall she took wasn't a bad one.  It shook her confidence I could tell.  I gave her the pep talk about not giving up, and try try again - thinking that was what she needed to hear.  Off she went again.  It was obvious before she even picked her foot up that she was in her head, telling herself she couldn't do it.  Down she went.  This fall was a little worse, a minor bloody lip, stopped in just a few seconds.  I'm not even sure she knew she had one.  I so badly wanted her to realize that she had done this just a week before and rode all over the neighborhood!!  I wanted her to realize that she didn't have to wonder if she had it in her, she could KNOW it.  I started to get frustrated that she wasn't realizing her potential and she was missing out on all this fun she could be having.
The bike riding ended, her in tears and me frustrated and mad at myself for not knowing how to better handle this situation.  I'm her mom.  I should know what she needs, and how to give it to her.
At bedtime, I laid next to her and told her how much I loved her.  I told her I was sorry for not always knowing the right thing to say.  I snuggled her and kissed her and hopefully left her heart mended from the hurt I may have caused her today.
I sat on the couch tonight wondering why I couldn't get her to understand she was brave.  How could I get her to understand that believing in yourself is imperative to making it through school and life that she is being thrust into so quickly.  I thought about what you might say.  You might say being brave is exactly what Little Miss did in some ways.  She was brave enough to try, more times than she wanted to.  She didn't give up after the first fall, she tried 2 more times.  She didn't say she couldn't when she wanted to quit, she said she didn't feel up to it any more that night.  She was brave to tell me that she was scared.  She trusted me with her feelings.
Thats when the real sadness crept in.  The feeling that I failed her.  I showed her that her feelings weren't safe with me, and that I was disappointed in her for stopping.  How could I do that to her?   This was about more that just the bike ride tonight, it was about how I deal with her feelings.  She is such a tender spirit.  One that requires so much love because she is so vulnerable all the time.  I don't want that to change, ever.  I realized tonight how I need to change some things.  After the sadness, came the relief that I now know what I can do different tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a new day.
Love,
C