Talk to me Shrink

Do you ever have one of those days where you just can't figure it out? Since 5 o'clock this morning, I have been trying to figure it out. The more I look inside, the harder it is to make sense of everything outside.
Marriage is filled with two extremes I think. You either have the "newlywed bliss" extreme, or the "not a wave in site" extreme. Let me explain.
The NB extreme isn't just for the newlyweds. To me, it's just a the feeling I have when things are really, really good. It doesn't have to be just when it's a holiday or your birthday, or when something is obviously good. This can be just when it is apparent that all parties involved are actively trying to elevate the other. I love this extreme. It makes me remember that I am loved, that I was CHOSEN for a reason by this person across the table from me. That no matter how tough life gets, I am his person. I love being his person.
The NAWIS extreme is a darker side. At this point I am sure you have said to yourself, there is a darker side. What about the side when someone dies, or when divorce comes, or the fighting is what echos in the night? To me, the no wave in site is worse. To me - this is when someone, or maybe both just don't care enough to put up a fight anymore. At least when things are bad, one or both of you have made a choice. Either you are climbing on board together, or you have jumped ship and taken your own life raft away. At least a choice has been made. Indecision is worse. That place where you are just complacent. It's not bad, but its not great. Life is too short for not great. It really is.
That place, that place where complacent makes a stand is where the spiral begins. I hate that place. It makes me look back, it makes me "remember when"... and sometimes that is nothing but dangerous.
I have the best man in the world. I know people always say that, truth is, they are wrong, I actually have him:). It's terrible for me to feel anything but lucky - but with all marriages, there comes some level of work. The work on my side is next to nothing. My man cleans, cooks, loves his kids, loves me, works hard to keep the green coming and still makes time for our family. He never yells or raises his voice, and I mean NEVER. He never gets upset, and is almost always the first to apologize. That is a BIG deal because I am a lot to handle sometimes, emotionally:) I know it, I own it.
So, why blast my life on a blog? Really, I don't think anyone reads this anyways, but second, writing to me is like talking to a shrink. It helps me understand all these thoughts rolling around in my head - and most of the time realize that I am being too hard on someone. This time, after thinking about just a few of my mans qualities - I know I am being to hard on him.
Honestly, I know I am a lot to handle - in all the good ways and some bad. When it is good, it is great, and that is most of the time. But when things are rough, I am so thankful I have my soul mate next to me keeping my world protected. He is just that good.
So, on my list of New Years goals, I am adding one more. I will fight complacency with all I've got. Lets see where that gets me. :)