Terror makes the world go round.....

In the past few days I have been contemplating a lot, along with the entire nation I would guess.  I have tried to avoid most of the media on it, all pictures, and talking amongst friends about it.  The tragedy in Connecticut has made me question a lot of things.
Having a kindergartener myself, this hit really close to home for me.  I volunteer at her school once a week.  I walk in the front doors, sign a meaningless sheet of paper while noting that no one in the office even bothered to look up to see who I was.  I throw a "Volunteer" name badge over my head and walk to my daughters classroom.  This tiny piece of plastic now makes me valid, this tiny piece of plastic around my neck now makes everyone breathe easier that walks by me and never thinks to ask why I am there.  That use to bother me before, that no one seemed to take more of an interest in who this person was entering the building.  Now, it terrifies me.
I was thinking about what kind of person that boy had to be.  I will not give him more notoriety by talking about him in a personal sense.  What he did is done, and in my opinion, he should never be talked about again.  My thoughts have been more general.  People keep talking about how we should be able to catch these people sooner.  The warning signs if you will.   Gun control always comes up, profiling, mental illness, all these things might have been a factor.
What makes a killer a killer?  Lets talk about warning signs.
1.  Abuse or hurting of animals.  Couldn't agree more with this....but wait.  My brothers use to blow up water skippers with firecrackers on the fourth of July.  I'm sure ALL boys did something like that.  They thought it was hilarious.   There was a cat incident in my family too.  Do those signs make my brothers more likely to do something like that?
2.  My son loves to play like his GI Joes hurt or capture barbies or his dinosaurs eat my daughters Little Pet Shop animals.  He captures them, or "ties them up" in a prison.  Should I take that as an early warning sign that he may want to torture?
3.  I know a little girl who is painfully shy.  Is she thinking evil thoughts as she looks at other kids, just wondering how to get back at them?
I could go on.  I have thought of dozens of examples I have seen in just that past 4 days.  I bring these things up because I was hoping to find an answer.  Hoping of finding a way to calm my soul so that I could once again feel safe sending my children out into the world.  The truth is, I haven't found any.  I believe there are no answers as to why people do things like this.  There is no logically answer that could explain this, because what happened isn't logically.
My brothers are some of the most loving, stable people I know.   They wouldn't hurt anything.  My son, and that young girl are too little to know anything but happiness and love from their parents, which is their whole world right now.  Early warnings signs, to some degree, are a joke.  What happened is madness, and only the mad would understand how it could have been prevented.
I ache for those who lost, to the depths of my soul.  I feel anger and hatred boiling up every time I think about that boy who chose to think his troubles were owed some type of retribution.  How dare he.
All I can get from all this is that we have to trust God in everything.  That may seem to easy for some, but sometimes its all we have.
My first thought the morning of the shooting was how much it must of hurt God to watch one of his sons walking towards that building, knowing what he was about to do.  How much it must of hurt to watch him take the lives of so many of his precious children.  How much he must of wept, and still weeps,  for his grown sons and daughters who now have to live without a part of their soul.  He knows how much grief is erupting from our hearts.  A small comfort might be that those children understand the bigger picture now. They are no longer scared or lonely, they are with Him.
It hurts so much more for us, for those who lost.  We are yet to understand, and maybe never will in this lifetime.  What a comfort to know that you will see your little ones again.
All my prayers......